What Do You Think of This?

What's your favorite color?  What did you think of that movie?  Was dinner good?  Should I make that again?  Would you recommend that book/camp/school/whatever to someone? 

You probably hear questions like this multiple times every day.  Do you answer them?  Or do you try to dodge them, either because you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings (no, please don't make that again or that's not my favorite) or because it takes much less energy to sidestep an opinion than to voice one and then have to be responsible for defending it?  It's very common for people -- and especially for girls -- to suppress their opinions on a regular basis.  Sometime's it's because an individual truly doesn't have an opinion (I didn't read that book so I really cannot tell you how I feel about it).  More often it's a case of avoidance -- sometimes disguised as a desire to please.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where someone (a friend, your parents, your sibling) asks you what you want to do for the afternoon.  You say you don't care or you say that you'll do whatever the friend wants to do.  You think that you are being nice by being accommodating.  Then suddenly you find yourself in this annoying back-and-forth dance of "whatever you want to do -- no -- whatever YOU want to do."  You need to stop and ask yourself what you are are gaining by not being true to yourself and stating your desires and opinions.  In all likelihood, you are losing much more than you are gaining by not speaking up. 

Our culture teaches girls that they are supposed to please.  Somewhere along the line, pleasing others got confused with losing oneself.  It's both a dissatisfying and dangerous habit.  If you get used to pretending that you don't have opinions or feelings now, it only gets harder and harder to change that as you get older.  That makes genuine relationships harder and harder to have as you grow older, which is definitely NOT something that you want (and it's not too risky to venture that opinion).

So, do yourself a favor.  Practice having an opinion every day.  It's not that hard.  Start small.  Tell someone about something you really like -- your favorite color, a movie that you love, a song that you think everyone should hear.  Tell a friend what it is that you'd like to spend the day doing.  The more you practice expressing opinions, the more you'll realize that being honest and true to yourself is actually the best way of pleasing anyone.  And you may even find that you like having opinions.