Taking Care of Yourself

Boundaries are an absolutely essential part of letting other people know what you are comfortable doing; they shape your relationships. Sometimes, if you do not have boundaries, it can feel like people are walking all over you. Having boundaries is important for your confidence and for your health.

Problems with No Boundaries

Not setting boundaries causes problems. Say, for example, you don't want to drink or use drugs, but you have people around you pushing you to. How do you handle it? You may find yourself upset, and changing things about yourself to make others happy. Or you might put up with mean behavior from other people, like being called names, getting pushed around, or even worse, being physically harmed. When you set boundaries, you get a lot of benefits! You have a strong sense of who you are, can say no when you feel uncomfortable, and don’t accept disrespect from others.

Setting Your Boundaries

So how do you set boundaries? When there is something you don’t feel comfortable doing, say so. If your friends want you to shoplift, and you think it's wrong to steal, don't hesitate to tell them so. You may feel guilty or make your friends mad, but this is your life, and you have the right to take care of yourself. You shouldn’t be made to feel uncomfortable, especially by your so-called friends.

What Not to Do

Avoid strong emotions (like crying or yelling) when setting boundaries with other people. If you’re upset with someone, you can always walk away until you’re regained your composure. Don’t let someone pressure you to go outside of your boundaries; you need to remain firm with your decision. And don’t apologize for your boundaries! This lets other people know you’re serious about where you stand. Remind yourself that you are in control of the situation, and it takes time to set boundaries.

Getting Support

Part of setting boundaries is finding people who will help keep your boundaries strong. Those people are the ones who respect you and your boundaries. Brainstorm a little and make a mental list of a few people who would fall into that group. Maybe your parents or your best friend? These are people you can turn to when you’re having problems, feeling pressured to change your boundaries, and need to talk to someone.

When you come across a person who doesn’t respect your boundaries and keeps pushing you to do something you don’t want to do, you’ll need to make a tough decision about whether you still want this person in your life. If he or she doesn’t respect your boundaries, it’s okay to end the friendship. In the long run, you will notice that you are happier without them.

Elizabeth Stannard Gromisch

About the Author

Elizabeth Stannard Gromisch

Taking Care of Yourself Elizabeth Stannard Gromisch Boundaries are an absolutely essential part of letting other people know what you are comfortable doing; they shape your relationships. Sometimes, if you do not have boundaries, it can feel like people are walking all over you. Having boundaries is important for your confidence and for your health. Problems with No Boundaries Not setting boundaries causes problems. Say, for example, you don't want to drink or use drugs, but you have people around you pushing you to. How do you handle it? You may find yourself upset, and changing things about yourself to make others happy. Or you might put up with mean behavior from other people, like being called names, getting pushed around, or even worse, being physically harmed. When you set boundaries, you get a lot of benefits! You have a strong sense of who you are, can say no when you feel uncomfortable, and don’t accept disrespect from others. Setting Your Boundaries So how do you set boundaries? When there is something you don’t feel comfortable doing, say so. If your friends want you to shoplift, and you think it's wrong to steal, don't hesitate to tell them so. You may feel guilty or make your friends mad, but this is your life, and you have the right to take care of yourself. You shouldn’t be made to feel uncomfortable, especially by your so-called friends. What Not to Do Avoid strong emotions (like crying or yelling) when setting boundaries with other people. If you’re upset with someone, you can always walk away until you’re regained your composure. Don’t let someone pressure you to go outside of your boundaries; you need to remain firm with your decision. And don’t apologize for your boundaries! This lets other people know you’re serious about where you stand. Remind yourself that you are in control of the situation, and it takes time to set boundaries. Getting Support Part of setting boundaries is finding people who will help keep your boundaries strong. Those people are the ones who respect you and your boundaries. Brainstorm a little and make a mental list of a few people who would fall into that group. Maybe your parents or your best friend? These are people you can turn to when you’re having problems, feeling pressured to change your boundaries, and need to talk to someone. When you come across a person who doesn’t respect your boundaries and keeps pushing you to do something you don’t want to do, you’ll need to make a tough decision about whether you still want this person in your life. If he or she doesn’t respect your boundaries, it’s okay to end the friendship. In the long run, you will notice that you are happier without them. Image © Omkr \| Dreamstime.com
About the Author Elizabeth Stannard Gromisch Elizabeth Stannard Gromisch is a recent graduate of Trinity College in Hartford, CT. She was senior co-editor of the Feminist Scholarship Review and Women Unite! at the Women and Gender Resource Action Center. She is an advocate for women's health and a certified sexual assault crisis counselor.