Big Beauty

          When I was feeling especially brave one day, I bought a tank top. Being a fat girl pretty much my entire life, I wasn't good at wearing clothes that were tight-fitting or revealed a lot of skin. Then one day, it was boiling hot outside. I didn't own many light summer things, so I headed to the local fat-lady clothing store. It was not a very hip store, though basic things like tee shirts were easy to find there, and that was what was on my agenda, considering the heat. As usual, I found all the tee shirts I needed, but for some reason I kept wandering back to the rack with the tank tops. The saleswoman caught me eyeing them. She encouraged me to try one on. “Why cover what you can't hide,” she said, and I couldn't argue with such wisdom.
          Inside the dressing room, looking in the mirror, all I saw was the tire around my belly and the flab on my arms. I stared for a while, then decided I might never be brave enough to try it on again and I didn't want to lose what could be my last chance, so I bought it. Plus, I further convinced myself, no one looks good under fluorescent lights.
          I brought the shirt home where it sat in my closet for a few weeks. Sometimes I tried it on but it never left the apartment. Then I went on a trip and brought the tank top along with me. I hoped to work up the nerve to wear it in a city I didn't live in and where I wouldn't have to see anyone I met there ever again.
          Finally, the day arrived. I wore my tank top outside.
          No one looked at me strangely. No one stared and the world did not stop. I didn't hear a single laugh or snicker. I felt so good and brave, I didn't care that only the bottom half of my arms were tanned. The first day I wore my tank top I went to a fair. The tops of my arms had never seen bumper cars before. It was awesome to feel so free. I felt naked and even a little sexy.
          I love what my tank top has done for me and what I have done for my tank top. My tank top makes me feel more comfortable about my body, more beautiful. And I've taken a flat, boring tank top and filled it out quite nicely.

This story was first published in the book THAT TAKES OVARIES!: BOLD FEMALES AND THEIR BRAZEN ACTS (Random House/Three Rivers Press). That Takes Ovaries is a book, a play for the stage, an open mike movement and an organizing tool for women and girls' empowerment. Find out how to lead your own That Takes Ovaries open mike by visiting www.ThatTakesOvaries.org or e-mailing Rivka at Rivka@ThatTakesOvaries.org.

Tess Dehoog

About the Author

Tess Dehoog

Big Beauty Tess Dehoog When I was feeling especially brave one day, I bought a tank top. Being a fat girl pretty much my entire life, I wasn't good at wearing clothes that were tight-fitting or revealed a lot of skin. Then one day, it was boiling hot outside. I didn't own many light summer things, so I headed to the local fat-lady clothing store. It was not a very hip store, though basic things like tee shirts were easy to find there, and that was what was on my agenda, considering the heat. As usual, I found all the tee shirts I needed, but for some reason I kept wandering back to the rack with the tank tops. The saleswoman caught me eyeing them. She encouraged me to try one on. “Why cover what you can't hide,” she said, and I couldn't argue with such wisdom. Inside the dressing room, looking in the mirror, all I saw was the tire around my belly and the flab on my arms. I stared for a while, then decided I might never be brave enough to try it on again and I didn't want to lose what could be my last chance, so I bought it. Plus, I further convinced myself, no one looks good under fluorescent lights. I brought the shirt home where it sat in my closet for a few weeks. Sometimes I tried it on but it never left the apartment. Then I went on a trip and brought the tank top along with me. I hoped to work up the nerve to wear it in a city I didn't live in and where I wouldn't have to see anyone I met there ever again. Finally, the day arrived. I wore my tank top outside. No one looked at me strangely. No one stared and the world did not stop. I didn't hear a single laugh or snicker. I felt so good and brave, I didn't care that only the bottom half of my arms were tanned. The first day I wore my tank top I went to a fair. The tops of my arms had never seen bumper cars before. It was awesome to feel so free. I felt naked and even a little sexy. I love what my tank top has done for me and what I have done for my tank top. My tank top makes me feel more comfortable about my body, more beautiful. And I've taken a flat, boring tank top and filled it out quite nicely. This story was first published in the book THAT TAKES OVARIES!: BOLD FEMALES AND THEIR BRAZEN ACTS (Random House/Three Rivers Press). That Takes Ovaries is a book, a play for the stage, an open mike movement and an organizing tool for women and girls' empowerment. Find out how to lead your own That Takes Ovaries open mike by visiting www.ThatTakesOvaries.org or e-mailing Rivka at Rivka@ThatTakesOvaries.org. © Gordana Sermek \| Dreamstime.com
About the Author Tess Dehoog Tess DeHoog (tess@vcn.bc.ca) is a sexy, fat girl from Vancouver, Canada. She's young, pretty, and intends to make every fat person in the world love his or her body.